Our Saturday Schedule

On Saturday, Morgan handed me a schedule of things we were going to do together that day. Here they are:

1. Interrogation
2. Do Songs
3. Dance
4. Do Writing
5. Do Super Heroes
6. The Michael will be a judge at courthouse.
7. Party
8. Do Work

We got through 1 and 2. Interrogation consists of Morgan setting up a TV tray in front of me, sitting down in it, and having a conversation with me. This is him asking me questions like “Hi, how are you doing?”, then moving on to the next question without waiting for an answer. Kind of fun.

Do Songs means Morgan gets out his Casio Keyboard, lays it out on the TV tray, plugs it in and has me play it while he sings improv songs. However, I am required to play in a specific way for each song. In one, I have to twiddle my fingers on the keyboard doing mini scales; in another, I have to keep my hands stiff and hit the keyboard with my fingers, keeping them in the same position but moving up and down the keyboard, similar to chopsticks. Keep in mind that I don’t play the keyboard, and while there was definitely noise coming from the Casio, I wouldn’t call it music. It was good enough for Morgan though.

After songs, he got bored and drifted off to other things. It was extremely fun while it lasted and I’m a little sad we didn’t get to any of the other items. We’ve done them before and they’re all fun.

Stupid Criminal Names

I have to say that recently I’ve been very disappointed in our local police. Why, you ask? Well I’ll tell you. Stupid criminal names are rampant. The most recent example is “The Handsome Guy Bandit,” so called because he wore a latex mask when he robbed banks. Really? That’s the best name you could come up with? Why not, “The Guy Who Robs Banks Robber?” He’s been caught, but I wonder if he let himself get caught so people wouldn’t use that stupid name whenever he robbed a bank in future. Oh! I know! How about “The Pistol Wielding Bandit!” That’s much better, don’t you think?

Seriously, it’s like recently they’re just phoning it in when it comes to making up names for criminals. Don’t they have to take a class on that in the police academy? Naming Criminals 101. Because guys, when you catch “The Handsome Guy Bandit,” it isn’t nearly as impressive as something like, say… “The Hollywood Bandit.” Now there’s a bandit you could be proud of catching.

RIP My Old Friend 2

Once again I say goodbye to a trusty friend. Zebra Sarasa number 2 has finally given up the ghost. Once again, my feelings of sadness are tempered with the satisfaction of using a pen up all the way and not losing it or having it stolen. Here is hoping that Zebra Sarasa number 3 will continue the legacy of stellar service you and your brother, Zebra Sarasa number 1, have established.

Goodbye, dear friend. May you enjoy all the benefits of pen paradise that are bestowed on pens that serve their masters well.

*note: Photo of pen may be a retread of Zebra Sarasa number 1.

Jinkasaurus

Jinkasaurus

Awesome, I thought to myself. I’m the first person to notice that Nancy Grace pronounces her regular contributor’s name so that it sounds like some freaky kind of dinosaur. Jean Casarez – Jinkasaurus. Heh, heh. I really nailed that. I wonder why no one else figured it out.

I know! I’ll tie it in with WoW by naming a raptor pet Jinkasaurus! So, after heading to Outlands and getting a new raptor, I name it Jinkasaurus and take an awesome bunch of screenshots. You know what? I’ll need a picture of Ms. Casarez to go next to it, so let’s go and Google. *clickety clackety typety type* Jean Casarez *enter*

Me: “…”

Upon noticing a ton of pictures with her head tacked on to the body of various dinosaurs… and those weren’t even under Jinkasaurus, which has even more.

*sigh*

Well, at least I think I’m the first one to make a Hunter pet from it.

The real Jean Casarez
Jean Casarez

Jinkasaurus
Jinkasaurus

My hunter pet is the one on the bottom.

Dark Side of the Moon

The Moon

Secret Alien Bases on the Moon?

Sadly, it appears not. However, the NASA Grail mission sent back video and photographs that turned out to be very interesting indeed.

First, the moon was really surprised that we came around and started looking at the dark side. In this photo, taken shortly after the moon noticed the Grail spacecraft, it gives a classic look of surprise, perhaps even dismay.

OMG a spaceship!
Grail Mission surprises moon.

In this second photo, taken of the other quarter of the back side, it appears that the moon is missing an entire quarter section. This doesn’t look like a natural phenomena, and could mean that aliens were indeed setting up bases on the far side of the moon. If they knew about the Earth’s planned expedition to photograph the dark side of the moon, they may have removed the section where their space cities were located, or perhaps they are using advanced cloaking technology that just went a little too far.

They cut out part of the moon!!
Photo reveals a missing section of the moon.

Either way, kudos to NASA for getting these sensational photographs, which just proves that astronomy isn’t as mind numbingly boring as some people think.

She Didn’t Know She Was Pregnant

One of the shows Anne watches occasionally is “I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant,” which is, coincidentally, about women who have babies and who didn’t know they were pregnant before they gave birth. After being exposed to several episodes of this show, I have come to the conclusion that yes, it is indeed possible to be pregnant and not even know it, for many different reasons.

Sometimes a woman will go to the hospital, thinking they have an appendix about to burst or some other affliction that is causing acute abdominal pain, and they will get an ultrasound, which is when they’re told they are pregnant. This got me to wondering what would happen if their doctor was a few pigs short of a poke.

“Mrs. X, the ultrasound seems to indicate that you have a large growth inside you much larger than the kidney stone we were expecting to see.”

“Well what do you think it is, doctor?”

“Well, Mrs. X, I’m going to do everything I can to figure that out, and I’d like to ask you a few questions that might help me narrow it down.

First, have you ever been in outer space? No? Alright.

Have you ever found a small organic pod-like object and had it open in front of you? No? Well, has anything like a squid or octopus ever attached itself to your face and inserted a tube down into your stomach through your mouth? No?

Hmmm….

Oh! How about this? Is your husband an astronaut? If so, was he ever out of touch with the earth, like behind the moon or something, for a period of time? And, did he come back with a completely different personality than before he left? No?

Hmmm…

Well, I think we’ve eliminated several possibilities, and the only thing I can conclude is you have some sort of tumor. We’re going to have to operate as soon as possible to get it out of you.”

Later….

“Mrs. X, we managed to get the tumor out, and the strangest thing is it was actually humanoid shaped and attached to you by some sort of cord or tube. Even more strange, it appeared to be moving. I was going to biopsy it, but the nurses took it away for some reason. I’ll check into it for you after I get back from vacation, but meanwhile the head nurse has something for you to look at.”

The Most Awesome Holiday Card Ever

We were watching a commercial for Holiday Greeting cards today when Anne mentioned she’d like to see one that burst into flames. This was the result as I took the idea and ran off a cliff with it.

The Mission: Impossible Holiday Card, infused with a flammable chemical triggered by body heat.

“Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to enjoy Happy Holidays!

This card will self destruct in 5… 4… 3… 2… 1… ”

Whoosh! Card catches on fire and burns up like cigarette paper in the reader’s hand.

Scrooge Option: Paper is infused with Napalm, which burns the reader’s hands horribly and can’t be put out.

Happy Holidays everyone!

RIP My Old Friend

Once again I say goodbye to a trusty friend. You were a good pen, Zebra Sarasa, and you died too young. I leave you with feelings of sadness at having used you up, satisfaction that once again I used up a pen and didn’t lose you halfway through your life, and hope that one of your 20 or so brother Zebra Sarasas will serve me as well as you have. There’ll never be another pen quite like you. You were a unique snowflake, even though I couldn’t tell you from any of the other Zebra Sarasas to save my life when you were full of ink.

Goodbye, dear friend. May you enjoy all the benefits of pen paradise that are bestowed on pens that serve their masters well.

What the hell were you thinking!?

An obviously advanced civilization sends an exploration ship to our world. Earth’s response: light show to let them know we welcome them and to show them where to land and meet us? Radio messages sent on all frequencies to let them know we eagerly await a peaceful meeting and exchange of ideas?

How about MISSILES OF FLAMING DEATH!!

The aliens somehow managed to avoid detection, perhaps because they are able to travel millions of light years they have technology somewhat past our own. They land and attempt to contact us. Earth’s response: Lay out the red carpet? Ceremony of Celebration attended by top officials in honor of our new visitors?

How about CAPTURE AND BRUTAL INTERROGATION!!

Alien visitors tragically crash land on our planet (see scenario 1 above). Earth’s response: reverent recovery of their bodies? Touching funeral to honor their attempt to contact us?

How about COLD AND UNCARING DISSECTION IN A SECRET LAB!!

If we detect them in the air, our first reaction is to try to shoot it down if it’s flying. If it’s on the ground, our first reaction is to capture, hold and brutally interrogate these explorers. If we find their bodies our first reaction is to dissect them. Seriously, what are you guys thinking? Are you really that crazy?

So, when these technologically advanced being send their follow up expeditions, because “Hey Blarkthar, what ever happened to that ship we sent out to that solar system on the edge of the galaxy that sent the ship with the platinum disk saying hello and asking us to come visit?”, What are we going to say?

“Sorry, didn’t realize you guys could kick our butts! On the plus side, we kept their bodies preserved in formaldehyde! So, you can…like…bury them now or whatever you do.”