One of the shows Anne watches occasionally is “I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant,” which is, coincidentally, about women who have babies and who didn’t know they were pregnant before they gave birth. After being exposed to several episodes of this show, I have come to the conclusion that yes, it is indeed possible to be pregnant and not even know it, for many different reasons.
Sometimes a woman will go to the hospital, thinking they have an appendix about to burst or some other affliction that is causing acute abdominal pain, and they will get an ultrasound, which is when they’re told they are pregnant. This got me to wondering what would happen if their doctor was a few pigs short of a poke.
“Mrs. X, the ultrasound seems to indicate that you have a large growth inside you much larger than the kidney stone we were expecting to see.”
“Well what do you think it is, doctor?”
“Well, Mrs. X, I’m going to do everything I can to figure that out, and I’d like to ask you a few questions that might help me narrow it down.
First, have you ever been in outer space? No? Alright.
Have you ever found a small organic pod-like object and had it open in front of you? No? Well, has anything like a squid or octopus ever attached itself to your face and inserted a tube down into your stomach through your mouth? No?
Oh! How about this? Is your husband an astronaut? If so, was he ever out of touch with the earth, like behind the moon or something, for a period of time? And, did he come back with a completely different personality than before he left? No?
Well, I think we’ve eliminated several possibilities, and the only thing I can conclude is you have some sort of tumor. We’re going to have to operate as soon as possible to get it out of you.”
“Mrs. X, we managed to get the tumor out, and the strangest thing is it was actually humanoid shaped and attached to you by some sort of cord or tube. Even more strange, it appeared to be moving. I was going to biopsy it, but the nurses took it away for some reason. I’ll check into it for you after I get back from vacation, but meanwhile the head nurse has something for you to look at.”