The Man!
His latest Morganism was on the Solstice as he opened presents. He put on the policeman cap and exclaimed,
"I'm turning into The Man!"
Fight the power, Morgan!
She Didn’t Know She Was Pregnant
One of the shows Anne watches occasionally is "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant," which is, coincidentally, about women who have babies and who didn't know they were pregnant before they gave birth. After being exposed to several episodes of this show, I have come to the conclusion that yes, it is indeed possible to be pregnant and not even know it, for many different reasons.
Sometimes a woman will go to the hospital, thinking they have an appendix about to burst or some other affliction that is causing acute abdominal pain, and they will get an ultrasound, which is when they're told they are pregnant. This got me to wondering what would happen if their doctor was a few pigs short of a poke.
"Mrs. X, the ultrasound seems to indicate that you have a large growth inside you much larger than the kidney stone we were expecting to see."
"Well what do you think it is, doctor?"
"Well, Mrs. X, I'm going to do everything I can to figure that out, and I'd like to ask you a few questions that might help me narrow it down.
First, have you ever been in outer space? No? Alright.
Have you ever found a small organic pod-like object and had it open in front of you? No? Well, has anything like a squid or octopus ever attached itself to your face and inserted a tube down into your stomach through your mouth? No?
Hmmm….
Oh! How about this? Is your husband an astronaut? If so, was he ever out of touch with the earth, like behind the moon or something, for a period of time? And, did he come back with a completely different personality than before he left? No?
Hmmm…
Well, I think we've eliminated several possibilities, and the only thing I can conclude is you have some sort of tumor. We're going to have to operate as soon as possible to get it out of you."
Later….
"Mrs. X, we managed to get the tumor out, and the strangest thing is it was actually humanoid shaped and attached to you by some sort of cord or tube. Even more strange, it appeared to be moving. I was going to biopsy it, but the nurses took it away for some reason. I'll check into it for you after I get back from vacation, but meanwhile the head nurse has something for you to look at."
The Most Awesome Holiday Card Ever
We were watching a commercial for Holiday Greeting cards today when Anne mentioned she'd like to see one that burst into flames. This was the result as I took the idea and ran off a cliff with it.
The Mission: Impossible Holiday Card, infused with a flammable chemical triggered by body heat.
"Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to enjoy Happy Holidays!
This card will self destruct in 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... "
Whoosh! Card catches on fire and burns up like cigarette paper in the reader's hand.
Scrooge Option: Paper is infused with Napalm, which burns the reader's hands horribly and can't be put out.
Happy Holidays everyone!
Home for the Holidays
I got a call this morning that my brother is doing fine and would be home later in the day, so my services will not be needed taking care of the invalid crew after all. I'll have to go and see them some other time.
Later in the day, my brother called me himself to let me know he was home, exhausted from all the tests and being poked with needles and such, and on Percoset for the pain. He sounded well, but really really tired, so I'm happy and only a little worried now. I'll probably hear from him again sometime tomorrow.
RIP My Old Friend
Once again I say goodbye to a trusty friend. You were a good pen, Zebra Sarasa, and you died too young. I leave you with feelings of sadness at having used you up, satisfaction that once again I used up a pen and didn't lose you halfway through your life, and hope that one of your 20 or so brother Zebra Sarasas will serve me as well as you have. There'll never be another pen quite like you. You were a unique snowflake, even though I couldn't tell you from any of the other Zebra Sarasas to save my life when you were full of ink.
Goodbye, dear friend. May you enjoy all the benefits of pen paradise that are bestowed on pens that serve their masters well.
Home For The Holidays?
I know I'll be home for Yule, but maybe not for the rest of the week. I just heard my brother was admitted to the hospital last night. Add to that my mother just got out of surgery and there may be no one to look after things in his household. If things are bad for him and he's stuck in the hospital for the holiday weekend or longer, it looks like I'll need to head down to take care of my mother, my niece, and maybe my brother until he's better.
Can't say no when family needs help, and we'll see how things stand tomorrow. I hope things are alright.
OMG Weasels!!!
Morganisms are things I used to tweet, but I don't really use twitter that much any more, so I figured I would put them on my blog instead. This latest was said yesterday at Denny's. Morgan was talking about what happens to bad boys.
"No TV, no video games, no viewmaster, and NO WEASEL!"
Anne and I have no idea what a Weasel is.