It’s over
We got the phone call over dinner that Tiberius is dead. He was doing alright earlier in the afternoon, but died in between their visits.
Please Don’t Leave
I felt a warm gentle fire once.
At first a small warm spot
It spread to cover me with love
Gave me a capacity I didn't know of.
You moved around hesitantly, little paw
feeling ahead over any gap.
Not quite seeing what was in front of you.
Your eyes were broken but we loved you so very much
We laughed at your little paw feling ahead of you
Not cruel laughter, it was the laughter of love
How much we loved you, doing your silly little things.
Now you're sick, lying down, trying to breathe
You don't understand, you just miss your mother's touch
You miss snuggling with your sister. Now you think
about a far land where you were once happy.
She comes to see you every day. Warm, soft hands
show how much you are loved. I hope this is what you
think about. We miss you so much, lying alone
with no one you know around you. My heart breaks for my little one.
It was you, little one, your warmth
You who expanded my capacity for love
That irrational math that fills a space even as you pour it out and empty it.
Please, little one. Please don't leave.
I know this life is painful, but I love you
and I'm so very selfish
Please come and sit on my lap again.
Purr and make me warm and calm.
I'll love you back, I promise. Just like
I did when you were here before.
Hopes Dashed
Hopes dashed. I went to the vet to pick up Tiberius and she brought me in to an exam room to talk about his case. Last night and into today he's been developing something called FIP. It stands for Feline Infectious Peritonitis, and turns out it is even deadlier than Feline Distemper. He's going to stay in the hospital over the weekend, and we'll have the results of blood tests. But, he may not survive until Monday. I was forlorn when I heard this. I went home quickly to give Anne some time to visit.
They close at noon today because of the New Year holiday. I stayed home and tried to keep my mind on other things. I finally broke down and cried when Anne got home. I was so distraught. They will give us daily calls on this status. Anne said he was doing worst now. She gave him one chance in a hundred. We're now not even sure he'll make it until Monday. I went back to work but I'm not really able to do anything constructive. I don't know what to write about now, either.
For now we wait and hope some more.
Good news!!
The last day of the year is today and our good news is that Tiberius can come home today. It's been a long and tiring road from the emergency animal hospital to here and now. I just got off the phone to our vet's office and they said he was being cleaned up to go home.
We kept Tiberius at the emergency hospital over the holiday weekend. I told them I wanted to move forward with treating him because even though he was in grave condition and it looked like he wouldn't survive, I thought he deserved the chance. The hospital began treating him (grudgingly in my opinion). Over the course of that weekend, Anne went to visit him very night. I think her visits had a very positive effect on him.
By Monday morning, he was still alive and I had to pick him up and transfer him to another vet for regular care. The hospital is only for off hours and holidays and weekends. I picked him up and took him over to the Park Mall Animal Clinic. When I was checking Tiberius out I mentioned I was going to take him to the Park Mall Clinic or to Hank's Animal Hospital. The lady at the desk said that they often sent transfers over to Park Mall, so that's where I told them to fax the records.
I drove Tiberius to the Park Mall clinic and asked if they accepted CareCredit. The receptionist told me they only took cash or checks, so I had to take Tiberius home to get the checkbook. While I was there, I called Hanks Animal Hospital and found out they took CareCredit. I went back to Park Mall and got my paperwork with apologies and took him right over to Hanks. While he was home briefly, Morgan (of course) opened the carrier and I was really surprised to see Tiberius just walk out on his own. This was when I started to have real hope that he might recover.
Trip to the Emergency Animal Clinic
I guess it wouldn't be the holidays without an emergency visit to the vet. Tiberius is pretty sick and rather than wait until Monday, I had to take him in to the emergency clinic today.
… Just saw the vet and it's bad. Tiberius is dying and we have to see how bad he is and whether he has any chance. I'm not going to just abandon him, even though the vet things it's a hopeless case and we should euthanize him now. They're going to do some lab tests and then we'll see where we are.
… Lab tests confirm he has Feline Distemper. We're going to give him treatment. That means supporting him while he fights off the virus and trying to make sure he doesn't get something else, because that is what usually kills cats with Distemper, the secondary diseases they can get when their immune system is knocked out.
I wasn't happy with the attitude of the vets. It seemed like they were just going to give up on him, and were hinting that he needed to be put down even before they ran bloodwork. The technicians were much more compassionate. But i suppose that's the usual way of things. Nurses are usually more empathetic than doctors, in my experience.