Choke on the future

Some days I just get so choked up about my son. I see how happy he is, running around and playing, making his noises that annoy us so damned much. He has no idea what his life is going to be like when he’s older. I can see it spread out like a movie. He starts to get teased at school, and as he gets older he becomes aware of it so it starts to hurt. He’s an easy target because he doesn’t understand, so the predators circle and make his life hell. I see myself helpless to stop it because I’m not there when it happens and the school dismisses it and minimizes it, so I’m left with impotent rage and a son who cries himself to sleep because he realizes now that he’s so different from everyone else and they punish him for it. Even worse, maybe he won’t notice. Or is that worse?

He stands there and looks at me with his happy face, he doesn’t see it, but I do, and I can’t help but weep.

Don’t mind me. I get this way sometimes. It will pass, like always. I’m weeping over things that haven’t even happened yet. How crazy is that? Anyway, men don’t cry. Cowboy up and STFU.